Looking for happiness?
Happiness will not come up to you unless you try to find it.
“How can you be smiling all the time?”
“How can you be so energetic?”
“How can you deal with your stress that you don’t look stressed at all?”
Whenever some of my friends or co-workers ask me this kind of questions, I show them a bigger smile instead of telling them “You really don’t know me, mate, do you?”
No one is always happy and no one has no problems in their life. The difference is how to deal with the problems. As I mentioned earlier in one of my early blogs, I had a serious personal problem on the top of unsolvable hopeless issues at work. I was very depressed and anxious. I did not know how to get over the situations and how to release my depressed and anxious feeling. It was frustrating that you know you are in trouble but you don’t know where to go, what to do, how to escape from the desperate situations. I was simply hopeless. Now? I am still carrying on the personal problem and different type of stresses from work (It sounds like nothing has been changed, doesn’t it?) but I am heaps happier and lively so that I can handle my feeling better and easier. Therefore I would like to share with you ten practical tips on how to manage depression and anxiety based on my personal experience.
1. Accept/admit your feeling; No one is perfect and no one can be always happy so it is perfectly okay you to feel down. If you deny what is your feeling, you will not have any chance to learn how to deal with the feeling. If you deny and hide depression/anxiety, they will get deeper and more serious so that can damage your daily life as well as your relationships. When you are allowing your worries as it is absolutely acceptable, you will feel better and have power to learn how to cope with your daily struggles. It will be also helpful in avoiding more severe depression and anxiety.
2. Deal with it now; Do not leave your stress or depression too long. I left them with myself more than 2 years as I thought they would go as time goes by. I simply ignored my unwell mind and feeling, and forced down them into the dark. I thought it will be okay, but it was NOT okay. One day in the middle of day, I noticed that my hands were shaking and my eye lid was blinking (I was very stressed out.). I always thought about myself as a strong person but I was not strong enough to take all the stresses and emotional ups and downs, and it caused a serious impact on physical health. So do not leave them too long with you. As soon as you are aware of the symptoms such as uncontrollable feelings and anxiousness, start looking for ways to get over it. The earlier you start the better chance you will have in order to manage your stress and anxiety.
3. Don’t blame yourself; Many people who are suffering depression/Anxiety tend to blame themselves as I did as well. I blamed myself, incompetence, unsuccessful, hopeless, etc... I blamed my luck and I blamed anything around me. Of course, it didn’t help anything. It supported me to get worsen. Until I convinced myself that it was not my fault and I can’t control everything, I couldn’t see any light. You need to accept that there are some things in your life you simply cannot control. It wouldn’t matter how hard you try and how much effort you devote to solve the problems. There are/will be always some things beyond your control. So don’t blame yourself nor worry too much about things you can’t control. Your worrying will not impact on the result anyway. Try to remind yourself that you can’t control everything and don’t victimize yourself as you are the most vulnerable person who needs to be nurtured the most at this stage.
4. Be active; I know some people would oppose to my ideas of being active. I do agree that someone could say “I don’t feel like to move even one finger now. How can I be active?” but you need to push yourself to get out of the spot where you feel stuck. Honestly, you need to be the major key to open the door to the happiness which you have been looking for. People around you can help and support you, but if you are not ready, nothing will be changed. I know it is hard but try to be active. Go out for a walk or run to get some fresh air, join a gym for getting fitter, and participate social events to make yourself useful. Simply move more. How can you think about problems when you have to think about how to breathe while you are running? Exercise helped me the most to fight with my depression. When I am sweating and out of breath, I feel free and I appreciate myself/my body more and realise I am the centre of the planet. It there is not me, there will be nothing. Being active will change your mood and improve your daily experiences.
5. Seek help; Share your worries with someone else. It can be your family members, friends, colleagues, or anyone who you feel comfortable to talk to. If you do not want to talk about your feelings to someone who you know, seek a professional help. I was discussing a lot with my husband as he knews the most about me but sometimes, I found bit hard(uncomfortable) to express my deep thoughts to him so I searched for professional helps. At the end of the day, speaking out my feeling and thought were more helpful than professional advices. I felt lighter after talk about my feelings even though the advices did not resolve my problems. Also their rational advices opened my mind and gave me a new point of view.
6. Take a break; When you feel depressed and anxious, even your daily routines can be irritating. You may feel that life is meaningless and doing same things can trigger your stress level. You need to have a break and change. Having a break from your daily life will not take away your problems but it will make you more relaxed and give you a chance to alter your thoughts on situations. Depression and anxiety often create bigger worries than actual they are as your judgement can be affected by your feeling. Changing your circumstances/surroundings can refresh and energize you and it will help you to think bit more rational.
7. Keep away from “What if....?” ; As I mentioned earlier in one of my blogs, please remind yourself that you have got power in only present, not in the past, not in the future. You can control only now. We all have enough things to deal with at the moment. You do not need to worry about future problem, “What if...” which can happen to you but unlikely to happen to you. Don’t try to buy future worries and live in fear now. You can deal with them when they come. Keeping “What if I cannot....” thoughts will develop poor thinking habit and it will allow your mind to get depressed with the endless negative possibilities. Try to think what can happen in reality.
8. Be positive; I acknowledge that being positive is very hard especially when you feel down but we need to make an effort to think positively. I am certainly stronger and control my feeling better than before, but I still experience depression occasionally. Whenever I feel down, I try to remind myself how good I am and what I can do well rather than pushing myself down. Oftentimes I tell myself to be positive. It will not be easy at the beginning but keep practicing it and try to believe it. Being positive can be the most powerful medicine. It can be bitter but it works, I promise. Think positive ways and talk positive words. You are a beautiful person and you can do whatever you wish to do. When you are positive, you will find out that your life is much brighter than you thought.
9. Find out what you enjoy to do; When you are depressed, a good thing can be that you very close to yourself (too much is problem but let’s take a positive point) and it is a good time to find what you like doing. I start painting which I had forgotten that I could do for a very long time. My husband encouraged me to do as it kept away me from the endless negative thoughts. I am not a person who can sit still but painting can keeps me calm very long time and place me in a happy mood. I started going to the local gym at the same time. I do exercise regularly to keep my body and mind healthy. When I do what I like to do, I feel the world is mine and I feel confident, comfortable and valuable. Unquestionably, my loving hobbies helped me to keep myself balanced. Find things make you smile. Find things which can carry away your negative thoughts and transform them to affirmative thoughts.
10. Read books or blogs about someone’s overcome stories; You might feel like you are the only one who has unsolvable and endless problems but that is not true. Look around other people’s circumstance and listen carefully to their incredible stories. You will realize that you are not the only one who suffers. Theologically, life supposes to be fair and generous to everybody but in reality it can be very unfair and cruel sometimes. I have a friend who is so lovely and lively. She is generous and nice to everyone. She is always in happy mood and it brightens up everyone around her. However, one day she said that she couldn’t walk out from home for 3 months due to her depression so she had to even send away her only son to her mother during then. When I heard her story, I felt so connected to her and comfortable to discuss about my problem. Knowing I was not the only one have a harsh time discharge me from desperate feeling of failure. Read and know about someone who had similar problems and got over them. They will inspire you and bring you new power to deal with your issues.
I hope the tips from my personal experience can lead you to be closer to Happiness. I do admit that it is hard to overcome mental breakdown and I cannot say that I am absolutely safe from the danger and threat but I am constantly trying to cheer up myself. Every single moment is valuable and it is pity to push it down to the darkness. Please remember that when you are ready to welcome, happiness can visit you and stay with you.
Lucky Koi
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